DATELINE: chubbuck, id                                                    

Author: Andy

Do a google image search for "virgin river gorge." It is really really fun to drive through.

Driving north through utah basically goes like this: you drive up to the crest of a hill, and suddenly you see a 15 mile long valley ahead of you. There are at most two buildings in the whole valley. At the northern edge of the valley is another set of mountains. You follow the road up the front of the mountain. You reach the crest of the road, and you see the next 15 mile valley laid before you. This repeats for about 300 miles. Each valley is a little greener than the one before. Finally you reach the crest of a hill and a whole lot of lights are in the last valley. This is Provo. It's the southern edge of 68 miles of salt lake city sprawl.

We got into SLC a little late, checked into the hotel and walked up to the area of town where the desk clerk said the bars were. There were two bars, only one of which was serving food. The bars close at 1am, so we ate fast. While we ate, a band on stage played instrumental Tool cover songs while half a dozen disenchanted youths moshed in front of the stage.

Our next stop was the 4-floor party juggernaut Port O' Call. You don't pay a cover charge in Utah, you "buy a temporary membership" to a "social club." Karl is now the proud owner of a 3-week membership to Port O' Call (ilteris and I were his guests). The entertainment for the evening was a cover band fronted by a guy in an afro wig. They were basically a wedding band. They closed with "Ladies Night." The scene was kinda lame. When they say they close at 1, they mean it. They literally padlock the liquor at midnight and shut off the taps at 1am sharp. Utah has very strict rules about these things.

We spent the afternoon touring Temple Square and learning about Mormonism. We had a guided tour of their new conference center, which features a slick 21,000 person auditorium. We spent some time in the visitors center and the museum of mormon history. The whole experience connected a lot of dots for me, as I now realize that I only had a partial idea of what their deal is. Basically, there are two narratives at work.

First, there is the story contained within the book of mormon. 600 years before christ, this guy Lehi in jerusalem has a prophecy about the coming of the messiah. He gathers his family in a boat and sails for the americas. Shortly after being crucified, jesus turns up in latin america and hangs out with the native americans, who are decendents of Lehi. Then the tribes are at peace for a while, but then become wicked. The message of christ is lost in the process, which is why there is why when the spanish showed up with catholicism, no one knew what they were talking about.

Anyway, we know about all this because in 18something joseph smith found gold tablets in his backyard in upstate new york(!) and translated them with the help of an angel. Then his growing band of followers is persecuted evrywhere they go until, under the leadership of brigham young, they get to utah. This is the second narrative, the one that took place more recently. It also proves that god has a special place in his heart for the USA.

Yeah.

We've got a lot of driving ahead of us. The woman working behind the counter at an Idaho Chevron tried to pick up Karl.